Chris and I being together, married now for 16 years, is proof positive that God has a (warped?) sense of humor.  He’s neat. I’m messy.  He’s disciplined.  I’m the “free to be you and me” sort.  Were we teenagers during Vietnam, I would have been the hippy flower child.  He would have been in the military.   We didn’t go to school together until college.  In high school, he would have thought of me — and “my crowd” — as losers.  I would have thought him a nerd.

Fortunately, college loosened him up a bit, and allowed our paths to cross. (Thanks to the TKE house and brothers for all their hard “work” in this department!)  Still, if you’ve ever seen the movie “Yours, Mine & Ours” you’ll get a very good glimpse into our home. (Minus 15 kids and a nanny, of course.)

We are SOOOO opposite. In SOOOOO many ways.  In almost every way, actually.  And these opposite viewpoints that used to be funny, cute or endearing… after marriage seem to be brutally annoying, frustrating and — well — maddening.  At least for us. 

I wish there were some magical solution I could share regarding this “opposites attract” situation, since I know so many couples are experiencing the joys of God’s humor right along with us. =)

Unfortunately, I haven’t yet been able to will myself to think his need for a clean room is “super cute” anymore, and I’m quite sure Chris’ attempts at viewing my “messiness” as cute are also failing quite impressively.  But here’s what I do have:  Some bridges that will help connect us to our spouses despite our differences.

Bridge #1: Friends

Chris and I used to be leaders in a very active marriage ministry and developed some really strong friendships with other couples, two in particular — both of who we hope you’ll see on this blog soon!  But one couple — Denise & Steve — are our forever friends.  I’ve known Denise my entire life, but they –as a couple — are quite literally God’s gift to our marriage.

Denise and I are alike in MANY ways.  We both attack when we’re angry or hurt.  We share a heart for our kids, our husbands, our marriages.  But Chris and Denise are alike in the exact same ways that Chris and I are different.  The same is true for me and Steve.  When I’m mystified by some things Chris does or doesn’t do, Denise speaks Chris.  When Steve’s in the doghouse, I translate Steve-speak for Denise. (Of course, we never tell THEM this stuff…. you know, that after a huge argument, we’ve come to understand their side of things. lol….)

My point is that marriage is too tough to be a solo-sport.  Friends can help fill in the gaps, give perspective, and mend the tiny little snags that have potential to do a marriage in.  We’re eternally grateful for Denise and Steve.   They are often our bridge… to understanding each other.

Bridge #2:  Fun

Chris and I love our life.  Honestly.  We have what we want, what we’ve always wanted.  The danger in this is that we RARELY break out of our comfy little shell in order to have unscripted, new fun together. We’re working on this.  But, part of the reason those things we DONT have in common weren’t a problem before marriage is because we were too busy enjoying each other to care.  So, plan a date… something you’ve NOT done before… and have fun together.

Bridge #3:  Focus on Your Core

Pilates is all about the CORE of your body and the instructors constantly tell you to focus on your core. The same is true in marriage.  My messiness, his neatness, my hippy-side, his militant-side… all of this is superfluous.  AT OUR CORE, though, we share many things:  including our faith, our focus on our family, our commitment to our marriage, our love for simplicity, just to name a few.  OUR CORE is strong because it is united.

So, today… make a list. What do YOU and YOUR SPOUSE share, core-wise?  I’ll bet it’s 1) more than you think and 2) more important than your differences.

Plus, Which friends can you go out with soon?  And what will you do for fun? Soon?