Marriage isn’t always “hard,” but it is ALWAYS complex.  You figure, while you’re “being married,” you’re also (probably) working, parenting, paying bills, dealing with extended family, planning holidays, taking care of a home, a yard, maybe a pet or two.  A LOT is going on under the roof of most marriages.  But, there’s one very simple question you can ask that will help you get a pulse for how you’re doing as a spouse and a partner… and it may even prompt some immediate change.

What would my husband / wife miss about me if I were to leave tomorrow?

Here’s the thing.  There are always going to be the things they WOULDN’T miss.  For my Mister, this list would include a book-covered and messy kitchen table, my nagging at night (“Can you bring me a water? Rub my feet? Etc.) and my tendency to change plans at the last minute.  And more, I’m sure. Of course, I have my own list. =)   I wouldn’t miss his habit of unloading the dishwasher while I’m sleeping,  (NOTHING brings out the crazy in me like waking up to the sound of clanging dishes!) and his moodiness.

But what would I miss?   Oh, that list is much, much longer.  I’d miss my best friend.  I’d miss sleeping next to him at night.  I’d miss the sex, his help around the house, the laughs and our morning cups of coffee.   And so much more.

But I’ve talked with couples whose  list of what they’d miss isn’t very long.   They long ago ceased being friends.  They don’t sleep in the same bed anymore.  Sex is a distant memory.  And laughter is a thing of the past.  I’ve talked to women who — frankly — would only miss their man’s paycheck.  And to men who would only miss having someone take care of the house.

The question — though — isn’t what YOU’D miss.  It’s an honest reflection — a question of yourself — of what you think THEY would miss. If you want your marriage to go the distance, if you want to be happily married… be intentional about building that list.

xo