Chris and I were recently in an argument and a family member (unmarried) couldn’t understand how we’d be mad / furious one day and absolutely done with the argument days later.   Ummmm…. This is marriage.   Sometimes we’re mad, other times we’re glad.  We’re two people who have committed to “for better or for worse” never realizing that WORSE comes in many forms.

Take Valentine’s Day 2015 for example.   (I’m sure Chris will tell you more about this story later, from his perspective, but for now, what you have is MY perspective. lol… ) Valentine’s Day 2015.   For the first time in 16 years, Chris and I have a sitter for Valentine’s Day.  No budget restrictions.  Two full days and one full night to ourselves.

So, I ask him to plan our date.   Excitedly, I concern myself with anticipating what he might put together.   He’s mysteriously silent on the details.  I am gushing to anyone who would listen about how he’s planning our entire date night.  Wives, keep in mind… HE HEARS ME GUSHING.  Again my sexy mysterious date planner stays silent.

Fast forward to VDay and — after getting rid of the kids early — I ask him if I have time to “take a little nap” before our big night, to which he replies, “SURE.”  Sleepily, I wake up and ask him where we’re eating dinner.  It’s time for him to reveal his big mystery plans and I can hardly wait.  His answer?  “I don’t know. Where do you want to go?”

WHAT?! I want to go wherever you’ve made reservations, of course.

Since VDay was on a Saturday this year, I knew we weren’t getting in anywhere decent if he made no reservations.  So, my Mister nervously begins to call some of our favorite restaurants and the people answering his call are literally laughing at him calling at 3 PM for reservations.  They know he’s in trouble.

I — however — am just adjusting to the idea that he literally made NO PLANS for us for Valentine’s Day.  NO couples massage.  NO fancy dinner.  NO wine tasting.  NO walks on the beach.  NOTHING.  Not one plan was made.  So now I’m feeling so incredibly hurt by his lack of effort, and I’m literally crying.

By some miracle, I go online and get a reservation at a chain italian restaurant.  My husband has no excuse to offer, and is truly feeling bad about his complete lack of planning.   I am not only sad, I’m FURIOUS.   And embarrassed.  I mean, what will I tell everyone I gushed to about his big old secret plans? How will I answer, “What did ya’ll do for Valentine’s Day?”

In that moment, I made a decision — I MUST SAY — that I’m really proud of.  You see, Chris and I get VERY few dates.  Our kids’ schedules are just crazy and there are very few weekends during which all 3 of the kids can be out of the house at the same time.  So, in that moment I had to decide what I wanted more:  a substandard date or a night fighting and crying at home.

I opted for the substandard date.  Somehow, I had the presence of mind to choose RELATIONSHIP over being RIGHT.  And you know what? It was awesome.  It was a freezing cold, stormy night and my Mister and I enjoyed a great dinner with amazing service.  And a great night afterwards at home.

This night was just a blip on the radar of our marriage, but you know how these things can turn into insult-hurling arguments and resentment that lasts far longer than  they should.  Soo…. let’s look at three ways we can get ourselves OUT of an argument.

1) Apologize. And forgive.

His fault? Her fault? Usually, it’s a bit of both. I don’t have a lot to time to waste these days on silliness and trying to read minds and I’m sure you’re the same.  So, why not ASK, “Is there anything I need to apologize for?”  And then, do it.  Sincerely, no matter how small the slight. And forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean they are RIGHT… it just means you’re letting go of the offense against you.  And seriously, who wants to hold on so tightly to something that hurt us?

2) Let it go.

Make like Frozen, and let it goooo. Let it gooooo….  =)  Seriously, if it won’t matter in 1 month, one year, ten years… LET IT GO. It’s not worth a fight.  Relationship over being right.  Chances are, you’ll have some BIG stuff to fight in your marriage. =) Save your energy and let go of the small stuff quickly.

3) Do something enjoyable together.

What’s your “thing?”  What’s something EASY that you could suggest to signify to your partner that you’re not interested in continuing this argument?  Maybe you could put the kids down early and rent a movie?  Or accompany him in the garden?  Something simple that brings you together is a great un-awkward way to transition out of argument-mode and back into couple-hood.

What else? What suggestions do you have for getting out of an argument? Share them below in the comments!