Blended families are hard, and while every marriage is certainly different, every BLENDED marriage is even more complex and unique.  You’ve got the outside influence of other parents, 1/2 siblings of one or more of your children that don’t reside with you, custody / visitation schedules, holiday negotiations, and more.

I don’t pretend to know all of the answers here, so this post will be short.  But, in its brevity, it will display — and lay bare —  the heart of all PARENTS who share their children with their spouse, a step-parent.

Our home isn’t “traditionally blended,” but blended it is. Chris is the natural father of Shelbey and CJ and the Uncle / Step-father of Summer.  (See our “our story” page for more details.)  

I’ve spoken to many women who are in similar situations.  They have children with their current husband, and said husband is also a step-parent to one or more of their other children.

Our situations may be vastly different.  Our kids, different…  husbands, different…  co-parents, different…  financial resources, different.  Still… ALL OF US SHARE ONE SIMPLE NEED.  ONE BUTTON.  ONE KEY TO OUR HEARTS.  ONE DESIRE THAT SUPERSEDES ALL OTHERS:

If you want to show your love for me —  first and foremost —  love my child.  The one that isn’t “yours.”  Love on her.  And Love her. Pursue her. For nothing in the entire world speaks louder to my heart.  Nothing you could dream up, buy or imagine could make me love you more… than seeing you love my child. 

Being a step-parent, I can imagine, is tough.  I see Chris daily pursue Summer. I see the texts that go unanswered.  The “I love yous” met with “Get out of my room.” =) I feel for step-parents who are actively trying.

 You will be rejected. You will be upstaged by a visiting “real” parent.  You have the tough daily job of discipline, nurturing, providing, etc.  You will be pushed away as the child we so desperately need you to love fights to remain loyal to — and hold a spot for —  his or her other parent.  All normal stuff, but I know it doesn’t make it any easier for you.

But please keep trying.  Because while step-parenting is complex, always changing, and a moving target, the heart of a parent is steadfast.  We simply want you to love them. Consistently. Unconditionally.  It IS the way to the FULLNESS of our hearts.  NOTHING bonds me more deeply to Chris than seeing him love EACH of our children.