There are times when — frankly — I feel like I’m a pretty fantastic wife.  I love sex and don’t love to shop.  I contribute financially and really enjoy working.  I pursue relationships with his parents and extended family and am always faithful to him.  Then there are times when I feel like the WORST wife.  You know, when we’re arguing and I verbally attack in a way that’s hard to forget… and forgive.  When I use sarcasm as a way to re-beat an already dead horse.  And more…

I’m guessing the truth is somewhere in the middle.  I’m probably a very AVERAGE wife.  As we’re creating content for this new online venture of ours, I’ve had some time to scan other marriage blogs and — more importantly — reflect on what I can do to be a (much) better wife.  The wife My Mister deserves.   Here you go… This article is a note to self.  But if it helps you.. or if you have your own 3 ways to be a better wife suggestions, post it in the comments below.  I hate being this publicly vulnerable alone, so join me in the comments! =)

1) I can have better follow through in household “stuff.”

I’ve long had “issues” with follow through with “stuff.” Bill paying, for example.  Granted, in the early years of our marriage, there was VERY LITTLE MONEY, so bill paying was like a game of russian roulette. Whoever won the game that day, got paid.  Everyone else got ignored. There was just ONLY so much money.

Now, though, our financial situation is much different and I’m STILL struggling with follow through on certain situations.  Most recently, we had a tax issue that was looming and scary and –regardless of how wrong they were in their assessment of our tax obligation — it was something that had to be dealt with.  I met with an attorney, a CPA, and then — I dropped the ball.   I HATE dealing with stuff like this.   The result is increasing and undue stress on my Mister.  I need to look at my follow through on this type of stuff as a way to love on  him.  Note to self.

2)  I can focus on (my own) fitness.

Let me just say it straight.  My husband is an insanely hot man.  Everyone who looks at him knows it, and he’s — obviously — very focused on his own fitness.  He’s got bulges in all the right places and — well — I’ve just got bulges. =)  I’m not obese, but I’m way less fit than I could be.

Now, this is a very hard thing for me to be vulnerable about… publicly.  And, my husband isn’t complaining or anything. (He’s a smart man.)  But, the hard truth is that I know that I’ve fallen down in the “keeping myself up” department.  I can blame it on time. I run a thriving business and am also the primary caretaker for our three kids. (Meaning, I’m the one with them when they come home sick, the one taking them to their orthodontist appointments, the one going on field trips.)  I can compare our situations.  (He’s a PE teacher, meaning he’s expending calories all day.)

I can blame.  I can make (valid, lol…)  excuses.  I can even IGNORE this very physical, very superficial aspect of marriage.  But, I do know that men are visually stimulated.  And I also know that I STILL want to be the woman my husband fantasizes about.  So– while I already exercise regularly — I am re-committing to this aspect of my health and our marriage.  For me.  For him. And for us.

3) I can fight fair.

I won’t lie.   I was BORN for battle.  Rarely if ever have I met my match in terms of arguing.  (In fact, I was once approached in a courtroom and asked to come join a law firm where they’d train me how to pass the BAR exam… after winning a very heated debate where I was being grilled unsuccessfully by a “shark attorney” with a reputation for “destroying” witnesses on the stand.)

Study communication styles and you’ll see that I’m a shark, and my Mister is a turtle. I attack.  He withdraws.   I do NOT fight fair… but I should.    I’ve been better about this, but need to continuously get better.  I wish that — in the moment, in the heat of an argument– I’d realize that me winning and him losing is a total loss.   I need to realize that he’s not the enemy when we’re arguing… and let him live to fight another day. =)

So, women, what about you? What can YOU do to be a better wife to your man?