Quick Note: This post was originally written by Chris, but because I think this is one post that definitely goes both ways… I’ve added my own thoughts… for the wives, in yellow. Enjoy!
There is nothing better than a loyal teammate. The best sports teams always display fierce loyalty for their fellow players. It feels good to know that someone “has your back.”
In marriage, your most loyal teammate — and hers — should be your spouse. Loyalty promotes partnership and trust in your marriage. When we feel like our spouse is on our side, we are more willing to share our most intimate desires – our most intimate dreams.
Like anything else in marriage though, practicing loyalty takes – well – practice!
Here are three sticky situations that have the potential to TEST our loyalty to our wives. Hopefully, you and your spouse can read these together, discuss them openly, and grow closer as a result.
Sticky Situation #1: When You’re At Work
How do you talk about your spouse at work? I’ve heard guys refer to their wives as – “ball and chains,” “old-lady,” and “home-girl” – just to name a few. Now husbands, we know our wives – and more importantly we know that we should not be using these phrases to describe them.
Women, we’re BAD at this. We will commiserate with the best of them. We talk poorly of our husbands at work, with our friends, and more. We don’ t simply call them names, we go into the minutia of why they DESERVE that name. Chris is speaking to the choir on this one.
On the surface, I believe that many guys would not think this is a big deal. But it is – especially the longer it continues to happen. When colleagues hear us describe our wife with these phrases, it devalues her in their eyes.
As husbands, we should use positive words to describe our wife. I mean – how appealing does it sound to live with someone you describe as a “ball-and-chain?” How important do these friends at work think she is to you? How cherished? How loved? Our words are powerful and carry the power to influence how WE and OTHERS to think about our own wife in certain ways too.
Continue to describe your wife as the ”old lady” and see how long it takes for you to actually believe it. Words are powerful. The other day, my friend finished talking with his wife on the phone and proclaimed –“I love my wife.” He was proclaiming this because he was so thankful that she is financially disciplined and is really “on top” of that area of their marriage.
I thought this was really cool. It was short and sweet, but I knew how my friend felt about his wife – for sure. So men, let’s keep in mind that people are ALWAYS listening. Let people hear us talking about our wife in positive ways.
CHALLENGE: Men, this week talk about your wife in a positive way at least twice at your work. It could be anything that brings honor to her – a compliment, vote of confidence, or and act or statement of gratitude. Words change things – let yours change your marriage – for the better. Couldn’t agree more, Mister. Wives, let’s accept this same challenge.
Sticky Situation #2: When You’re Alone
How do you honor and remain loyal to wife when you are by yourself? We have a family of five, so Michelle and I do not get a lot of time by ourselves. But I have to admit; it is nice when we do. But, what you do with your time when you are alone can go a long way in promoting or destroying loyalty in your marriage.
For instance husbands, what are you watching on television? If you are watching something that you wouldn’t be watching if your wife was there with you – it means you should change the channel. This is loyalty. To be clear, we are talking about inappropriate stuff here – not sports or something your wife just wouldn’t want to watch. J
What about our computer activity? Is it honorable? Is it loyal… to HER? Wives, what about you? Maybe “porn” isn’t your thing. What about facebook? Are you in conversations you shouldn’t be? I’ll be the first to admit that I have great relationships with most of my ex-boyfriends. BUT, my husband is aware of each of these… and can log in and see any conversations I’ve had at any time. He’s fully in the know at all times. Still, facebook conversations seem so innocent and they can be a very slippery slope.
If you are visiting sites on-line that are inappropriate, it does not honor your wife. Honoring your wife when you are alone is truly important. No one is there to influence us. The decisions we make during these times can tell us a lot about ourselves, our hearts, and our values.
CHALLENGE: Husbands, if you are struggling with honoring your wife during your alone time, this is your week! Plan your alone time more effectively. Make sure you have something to do productive during that time so you can resist any temptation that might come your way.
Sticky Situation #3: When You’re With Family
This is a touchy subject, but one we need to visit.
Husbands, it is never a good idea to talk bad about your wife to your mom or anyone in your family. You need to realize this fact – the only person who has your back more than your wife – is probably your mom. Wives, same for us. Talking badly about our Misters to our Moms is a bad idea. Long after YOU’VE forgiven him, they will be struggling with forgetting what you shared.
When parents hear about something that has upset their children, many parents will run to their defense. It is for this reason, that we should not include our family in marital disagreements. It’s just not worth it. True ‘dat. It’s a losing battle on all sides. ANYONE who comes in between a husband and his wife will likely soon be on the outside looking in. And extended family is too important to risk with loose lips.
When we have a disagreement with our wife, involving family members who clearly have an emotional stake in the battle is a very bad idea. Instead, let’s do our best to make sure our family hears positive stuff about our wife. It’s definitely ok to seek council of a trusted friend or counselor, but what we don’t want to do is to get into a habit of venting or complaining to family members about our wife.
CHALLENGE: This week, don’t vent or complain to any family member about your wife. Instead, talk about something positive your wife is up to or doing really well when you are speaking with family members. It will help them see your commitment level to your wife and will help reinforce your own marriage as well.