Think for a moment about your wedding day… or the moment you finally knew you were going to be married to the person you love. What  about the moment you both welcomed a child into the world and into your family?   Can you easily recall the love you felt during those times?  Over the course of your marriage, you and your spouse — like Michelle and I — have created many  special memories.

If you took a few minutes to think about these things – you just reflected on your marriage.  That is, you took time to think back to the past events and memories that originally caused you to fall in love with and deepen your love for your spouse.

Reflection is a far overlooked tool that can help sustain our marriages in the good and bad times.  Often, as our marriages age and we become more and more busy, we forget to reflect on our marriages.  This can unfortunately cause us to become complacent and — in some cases, in my case —  ungrateful.

It has always amazed me that a couple can go from the bliss of courtship and marriage to the despair of separation and divorce.  I remember the day that I married Michelle.  It was the best and most exciting day of my life.  When I am WILLING, it is easy for me to think back to those moments and immediately experience feelings of peace, happiness and hopefulness.

So why don’t I do it more?  Most of the time I reason that it’s because I am too busy.  Truthfully, I use that excuse a lot…. to not do the things I know I should be doing.  Guess what… we are all busy.  Don’t let this get in the way of taking time to reflect on the state of your marriage and also the memories that you have created.

If your marriage is in a tough spot – what better way to kick-start it than to spend some time reflecting on the many reasons you love this person in the first place?  If you approach this with a sincere heart, you will be shocked at the difference reflection can make.  Our minds our powerful – especially when we are thinking about positive experiences.

So with that, I would like to offer a challenge to husbands and wives for the upcoming week… We’ll call it,

10 Minutes to a Better Marriage

For the next seven days, I am going to spend ten minutes each day reflecting on my marriage, and I invite you to join me.  Here are some ways you can do this:

1. Look through old pictures with your spouse – I’ve got a ton of pictures that I don’t look at often enough– but when I do, my mood is lifted and I reflect on some really special memories.
2. START a conservation with your wife or husband about some special memories – maybe even some memories that were made before your children arrived – do you remember that time? Why is the word start in all caps – because it lets your spouse know they are important when YOU start the conversation.  Again, something simple that goes a long way.
3. Reinstitute a custom that you used in the past to strengthen your marriage.  We just reinstituted family night.  Every Wednesday everyone is home by 8:00.  A different person leads each Wednesday.  They pick a dessert and my wife and I make it.  They choose a topic and we discuss.  It is nothing fancy, but man does it work – with teenagers nonetheless.
4. Take stock.  Where is your marriage now and where was it five or ten years ago.  If it was a lot better in the past – why is that?  Don’t ever get caught up in the notion that marriages just get boring as time goes on – this does not have to be the case and is not meant to be the case.  Our marriages are supposed to grow and mature… like a fine wine, getting better with time.

Wherever your marriage is today…right now – reflection can provide the kick-start your looking for.  Commit to this 10 minute challenge for seven days and I bet your marriage will be better at the end of the week than it was at the beginning.  Let me know how the challenge goes! GOOD LUCK